I grew up in the inner city of Cleveland ,Ohio and like most kids I played sports, hung out with friends and played video games.. this was a time of innocence for most of us before the crack epidemic hit in the mid 1980's and drastically effected what it seems like every black house hold in Urban America..I was around 7 or 8 when my mother started using crack cocaine and because of her addiction ,me and my siblings suffered the most over the years..we really went whole winters without electricity or gas ,how we survived is beyond me ..My step father use drugs as well and was a role model for me in the sense of what not to become..I had this deep resentment towards him ever since I could remember,we never had a good relationship because we never had that kind of connection.. All my life I just viewed him as someone who had kids by my mom..there was so much verbal abuse and being physical beatings that I grew a deeply embedded hatred towards my mother and step father..My escape from all this was being in the streets,at times I had no destination but I felt free of everything that was going wrong in my life..
Things started to change for me when I turned 10 or 11,this is when I became rebellious ..I started hanging in the streets with older guys from the neighborhood ,they were getting money from selling drugs and I instantly fell in line.. i tried to balance school and hustling but that wasn't working so i quit school,because I felt doing that was the only option i had in changing my circumstances so I committed to hustling full time...The lifestyle has lead me in and out juvenile facilities and group homes up until 1992 when I walked away from group home and moved in with a friend in Garden Valley projects..Instantly ,I was back to selling drugs, drinking and smoking weed daily, my life was spiraling out of control..The money I was making was cool ,but I wanted more and the only way I saw to get it was through force ..so I started robbing other drug dealers,thru what we called, pulling a kick door (which is now known as a home invasion)..
in 1993, I moved back to E.86 & Quincy,it felt good to be around guys I grew up with because we all understood each others struggle and this is what connected us..We all sold drugs ,smoked weed ,and got money but none of us realized how lost we were or how this way of life would effect us..I was 17 at the time and my mom had just got an apartment on E.93rd &Quincy but none of us lived there..Us boys were in the streets trying to survive ,i moved in with my girl friend ,who had 3 kids of her own...My youngest brother stayed with us while my other brother was locked in juvy for a year on a drug charge, my sister stayed with our aunt ,so she could be around our girl cousins and pretty much have a home to grow up in ,even tho my aunt charged my mom $400 a month to keep her.. I knew for my aunt it was about the financial aspect and not family ,which made me not see her as family ,well my family because she knew our struggle and she's only taking in my sister because she's being paid..My step father worked at a junk yard and would stay in a camper they had on the lot, and as for my mom ,she had a older dude she would stay with from time to time..none of really saw our mom much except when she came around asking for money and I would give it to her just so she wouldn't be in the streets...
Everyday for me was about smoking weed ,selling drugs and committing robberies,this was the world I lived in and felt alive in ,I thrived in the chaos because that's what I had grown accustomed too and it would only be a matter of time before I would find myself in prison..
11-4-93 would be the day that would forever alter so many lives..if I remember correctly ,it was @ 8 or 9 p.m. me,my youngest brother and a friend were at the house I shared with my girlfriend.. we decided to go buy some weed,we leave the house making our way thru the neighborhood when we encounter a couple going to the store..we ask if they were looking to copp something, meaning buy drugs..they stopped as if to give it some thought then said they we're cool ,so we all parted ways..we continued on our mission and had stopped to kick it with a homey for about ten minutes,during this encounter ,I showed him a gun I was carrying..he offered to buy it and I said no ,so my brother grabbed it from him as he got in a car with some female and pulled off ,we continued walking up the street until we heard someone yell "shortie ,hold up and the next thing you know....
I've been incarcerated for over 23 years ,I was charged as a juvenile and then bound over to adult court at the age of 17 for aggravated murder..I ended up pleading guilty to a lesser charge and still ended up with a sentence of 18 years to life..throughout my time, I had a hard time adjusting and spent a lot of time in solitary confinement ( the hole) ..I didn't and still don't have any family support ,which made my stay very difficult mentally and emotionally, but I managed and to this very day, I can look back and appreciate the journey because this journey has helped transform me into the man I am today...
In August of 2017,I will see the parole board again for the 4th time,is my release imminent ? I hope so!!! I can understand why I wasn't released the 3 previous times,and I'm solely to blame, because I alone,demonstrated why I shouldn't be released back into society,due to my gang affiliation, drug dealing and various other reasons..if I continued to deal in this kind of behavior while in prison ,then who's to say I wouldn't continue this same behavior once i'm back in society..throughout my time I managed to find a peace of mind in reading ,but whatever I learned from books I applied in a mannerism that suited my own agenda of negativity..
In 2015,I was transferred from Trumble Correctional institution ,which is a level 3 prison to the Ohio State Penitentiary,which is a level 4 &5 supermax.. Once I got to O.S.P,I was placed on the disciplinary 4b unit where we're confined to our cells 22 1/2 hrs a day for a minimum of 1 yr, And this is where i begin to re-evaluate myself..During this time I read a lot and completed programs just to pass time ,but in all actuality this process forced me to face my own worse enemy...me...
I believe that there are people or situations that inspire people to change, rather its for better or worse,But during my time at o.s.p. I was given a book to read after my time on 4b came to an end,called :THE MIND IS MASTER ,BY JAMES ALLEN...In this book I found a quote that stuck out to me and inspired me ,I wrote the quote down on a piece of paper and taped it on my mirror...Every time i look in the mirror there are three things i see, this quote ,which inspired me to change ,a picture from a visit with my daughter and granddaughter,which I reconnected with after 21 yrs and last but not least, me, which i have learned to finally love ...The quote may seem insignificant to most ,but to me ,it was a game changer because it connected with me in so many ways and to this very day I still have this quote taped to my mirror ,and guess what? I recite it everyday..The quote goes: circumstances does not make the man ,it just reveals him to himself...for some time I didn't like or understand the person I saw in the mirror,so I decided to change ..Not try and change ,but decided to put forth the effort to change...
As i stated earlier,I believe that people or situations come or occur in your life for a reason,and I think about my whole process at times , of how I went from Trumble to O.S.P ,got released from the lockdown unit ,landed on a unit with a guy from the neighborhood and he blessed me with this book..wow..To this very day he doesn't even understand what that simple gesture did to me or for me ,but some day I hope that he and others will be inspired by my transformation and actions..To this very day I still participate in whatever programs available because there's so much to learn from them,i got my G.E.D ,I'm also a certified tutor and I'm also a barber..
once released I want to complete some technical training, become a motivational speaker in some capacity and enjoy life..
*** MY PURPOSE/ MY GOAL***
I feel good about my life now,because i have found my direction and purpose for existing ,and I'm focused on how I can make a difference in society because as of late there has been so many things taking place with the youth...They're being gunned down by police,they're killing each other and there moving through life with no sense of direction or purpose ..I just saw on t.v. the other day the mothers of Tamir Rice ,Michael Brown and a few others who shared the platform with these courageous women..I was truly moved to see these women be the spokes person for peace and change do to the lost of their children , I understood their message and was inspired as well by they're resilience..
The problem for me as a man,was to see them up there speaking on injustices and how to bring forth solutions, and I sit here in this cell not doing anything to help prevent other mothers from feeling that same pain...There are only two outcomes for these young men and women if we as a community don't become proactive in our approach to save them...Our communities need not more police involvement in the mannerism of policing to arrest ,but to be pro social and working with the community to prevent crime ,instead of coming in the community with the mentality of trying to solve crime ,but more resources are needed and must be directed towards creating programs aimed at empowering the youth ...I feel that in order to accomplish this it has to be a collaboration of all agencies and all organizations working together towards a common goal..
Well, I hope you were able to get an understanding of who I am,where I'm from and what I been through even though i barely scratched the surface in offering you some insight into my life...
in closing,I welcome you all to voice your opinion on how "WE" can bring forth change in the lives of at risk youth and develop solutions that we can implement..
You can contact me on FACEBOOK @ RASHEE AMBLER.COM
OR EMAIL ME DIRECTLY @ WWW.JPAY.COM..RASHEE AMBLER#A294-284 OR WRITE TO ME @ P.O.BOX 45699,LUCASVILLE,OHIO 45699
#FREE RASHEE....
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